The chief purpose of Roman matrimony, as stated in marriage contracts and various laws, was the obvious one of producing and bringing up children. The Roman government often made efforts to encourage marriage and large families; in particular, the Emperor Augustus introduced a law which laid down penalties for those who remained unmarried (for example, by forbidding them to receive legacies; see bachelor) and offered special privileges to married couples who produced three or more children. Nevertheless the birth rate in Rome dropped steadily from the second century BC onwards, especially among the senatorial class.
Under Roman law, there were two different sorts of marriage. In the first, which was known as cum manū, the bride ceased to be a member of her father's family and passed completely into the control of her husband; any property she possessed became her husband's, and although he could divorce her, she could not divorce him. A couple could enter into marriage cum manu in various ways; one was by an ancient ceremony known as cōnfarreātiō, in which the bride and bridegroom together ate a sacred cake made of grain. This ceremony was used by only a few aristocratic families and had almost died out by the first century AD.
By the first century, marriage cum manu had become far less common than the other type of marriage, which was known as marriage sine manū. In this type of marriage, the bride did not pass into the hand of her husband; legally, she was still regarded as a member of her father's family (even though she was now no longer living with them); she could possess property of her own and she could divorce her husband. It was very easy for a couple to enter into marriage sine manu; all they needed to do was live together after declaring their intention of being man and wife.
The average age for a Roman girl to marry was thirteen or fourteen; men usually married in their late teens or early twenties. If the husband has been married previously there might be a wide age gap between him and his wife.
The husband was normally chosen for the girl by her father or guardian. The law laid down that if a girl did not agree to the marriage, it could not take place; but probably few daughters would have found it very easy to defy their father's wishes. The girl's father would also negotiate with the family of her future husband about the dowry; this was a payment (in money or property or both) made by the bride's family to the husband.
At the ceremony of betrothal or engagement, the husband‐to‐be made a promise of marriage, and the father of the bride promised on his daughter's behalf; gifts were exchanged, and a ring was placed on the third finger of the girl's left hand, as in many countries nowadays. (There was a widespread belief that a nerve ran directly from this finger to the heart.) Family and friends were present as witnesses, and the ceremony was followed by a party.
Whether a couple married cum manu or sine manu, they usually celebrated their wedding with some of the many customs and ceremonies that were traditional among the Romans. These included a flame‐coloured bridal veil; the symbolic joining of hands; a sacrifice; the signing of the wedding contract, witnessed by the wedding guests; the wedding feast at the bride's house; the ancient custom of pretending to pull the bride away from her mother by force; the torch‐lit procession to the bridegroom's house; the wedding song; the traditional words spoken by the bride to her husband (ubi tū Gāius, ego Gāia – Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia); and the custom of carrying the bride across the threshold of her new home. The watching crowd would shout their congratulations and make rude jokes to the bridegroom. Other traditions and ceremonies included the careful arrangement of the bride's hair, parted with the point of a spear and then divided into six plaits; the presentation of fire and water by the bridegroom to the bride; and the undressing of the bride by a woman who had only had one husband.
A Roman wife had fewer legal rights than her husband. In the eyes of the law she was under the authority of either her husband or her father (or guardian), depending on whether she had been married cum manu or sine manu. She could not vote in elections, take an active part in public or political life, sit on a jury or plead in court. But in some ways a first‐century Roman wife had more freedom than women in other countries, and enjoyed a higher status than they did. She was not restricted to the home, but could visit friends, go to the theatre and the baths, and accompany her husband to dinner‐parties (unlike the women of classical Athens, for example). Her traditional day‐to‐day task—the running of the household—was regarded by most Romans as important and valuable, and a woman could gain prestige and respect for the way in which this task was carried out; in many aristocratic and wealthy families, running the house was a highly complicated and demanding job, involving the management and supervision of a large number of domestic slaves.